Emart Super Junior Habanero Jjamppong


Country of Origin: South Korea

Habanero Hell!

Consumption

Oh boy; the little brother of emart‘s Habanero Ramen! We loved the Habanero Ramen; the flavour was amazing but it was just so damn hot! I was hoping that this may be the kid bro version so that my delicate mouth could rest easier today; all the taste, less heat. Let’s find out!

This block is satisfactory; I am pleased

The noodle block was top notch again; great girth, round so it fits nicely in a pot or bowl, and a glorious yellow tinge. The vegetable sachet was a surprise though; this was a first for us in our short time reviewing ramen: prawn shells. Oh dear, Josh will be most pleased. Screw it; I’m up for trying new things!

Menacing! And doesn’t smell too bad!

Appearance was sufficiently shocking – this may be a hot one – and the first bite was a pleasant surprise; not much heat coming through on this but a good, solid flavour. Much like most broth-based dishes and failed marriages the heat is a slow burn, slowly accumulating as you eat; my nose was running, my head started off with a slow sweat progressing to a rapid drip, and my mouth-lips were positively humming. Right now I’m saying this is a high heat level. Let’s go for the broth.

This was much easier to drink than the Habanero Ramen; pretty much slurped it all right down! There was a bit of cleanup required with these; head needed a bit of a wipe and I have to blow my nose into about 3 different tissues. These ramen don’t slouch on the heat! Keep in mind that the experience doesn’t end when you have finished the meal; the heat continues to build and after a few minutes your mouth sufficiently stings meaning you have to resort to mouth-breathing like a Neanderthal. Not for the faint hearted; these babies are hot.

Heat Level

Taste Level

The Aftermath

This one snuck up on me; I was cruising until about 8.30pm when the old stabs hit my abdomen. My old friend you have returned! Straight to the chamber of cries I went a plopped myself on the throne of regret; gave myself a good 10 minutes of sitting there doing nothing except wishing the stomach pains would subside. Bit of a push I think. Push I did and there was some movement; no sting, but quite a noisy one! Stomach didn’t really feel much better so I gave it another 10 minutes; nothing. I decided to call it a night and try and watch some TV.

The rest of the night there were no more movements but the constant fear of the possibility I may just go at any minute meant I couldn’t completely enjoy season 2 of The Man in the High Castle. My next movement wasn’t until 9:00am the next morning; it was almost like those movements you get after drinking coffee…except there was no coffee.

4 flames; I didn’t enjoy the experience entirely. The noodles were nice though.


Fookin prawns! I’m a bit ambivalent on most seafood, but I do love prawns, and these definitely have prawns – well prawn shells anyway. Or maybe deconstructed prawn crackers?

Regardless of the sea crickets, the dish itself was very tasty, and packed a punch too! The broth itself is a light vegetable base, with the prawn taste adding some extra elements to the dish without being too seafood-y. The chilli oil is what really hits you, with that unctuous chilli mix coating your lips, tongue and throat, refusing to budge like a mom with a giant pram on the train. Long afterburn on account of the oil, was seriously considering using dishwashing liquid to emulsify the oil off me.

I was faced with a choice over the regret when I got home – do I poop now, when I don’t really need to, or do I go to the gym and risk pooping myself on a treadmill yet again for the first time ever? Alas, I am weak, and forced myself to do the doody dance pre gym. This release came with a little burn but well lubricated (thanks oil!) and off I ran, or rather stomped – I’m not very graceful.

4 flames – it does sting, and you may be fearful of activities, but overall not a life-ruining event.


Well, these weren’t bad; I was hesitant as I have made no apologies for my hatred for Seafood flavouring. As soon as the packaging was opened I got a strong smell of seafood and at this point I was very concerned. Mixing in the bag of bits, the prawn shell was a nice touch (it was lost on me, but impressive none the less) and a close sniff after the mix up revealed a more chilli than seafood aroma. Heat wise, I would put these on par with the icy fire noods; very hot yet tolerable with a slow afterburn. Flavour-wise, I’m pleasantly surprised to say that they weren’t as seafood-y as the initial smell. I enjoyed them more than I thought I would; sits between meh and good for me personally in terms of flavour, but I’ll concede to good as I can’t penalize due to my distaste for seafood.

Regret? Yes and no; It was like an ominous hurricane off the coast that just passes by. There were gurgles, abdominal discomfort and some gas. I actually had a remedial back massage after eating these which made the toot situation difficult (and unintentionally hilarious). That being said I weathered the storm after sitting down on the lav; not a problem in the world but it was quite the sizable movement! I’m not sure I took any nutrients from the ramen really, I just gave it a home for a few hours and transported it from work to my house. Ass, gas or grass? I would say it gave me gas; not a lot but enough to make a note of it.

4 flames, I didn’t appreciate the intimidation of the gurgles and the amount of shit to come out was a little concerning.


Overall Porcelain Punishment Level

Community PPĀ Level


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