Country of Origin: South Korea
A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Consumption
Let’s start by saying, unanimously, we LOVE fire noodles, the flavours and heat just dance on the tongue with cleets. We were all pretty excited to give these guys a whirl and we wanted to do this more by the book and create them as the package instructed. Kam got to cooking first thing in the morning and stored in the fridge ready to create some havoc come lunch time.
When lunch rolled around, we were quick to the fridge to collect the tasty treats, The twist on eating these cold was truly a masterful deception. These were truly delicious for the first few mouthfuls I could taste. It was cool in the mouth, sweet on the tongue hot on the lips just a big clusterfuck of what/how to feel.
These took their time in removing the sheep costume to reveal the true beast that lied beneath, I wasn’t sweating, I didn’t feel warm from it, my mouth just stung, A LOT. Spice hiccups hit me at the 1/4 mark and after that point the heat got more and more intense with increasingly numb lips and burning tongue.
It has been quite some time since the fire noodles, the journey is grand and we have grown along the way, I feel these had slightly less heat to them than the fire noodles but perhaps we have grown, perhaps our tolerances have ramped up. Who knows? All I know is that you should tread carefully with these guys.
Heat Level
Taste Level
The Aftermath
My tummy was rumbling alot after eating the icy fire noodles, when I received a message from Kam saying how much hell he was in, I decided I would try to diffuse the bomb internally before risking the movement. My tactics failed, it got to about 10:45 and I couldn’t stand any more punishment, I went for it. The first thing that comes to mind is ‘HOT’; my bungus was on fire. It was the kind of movement that once the plug was out, the tap started flowing; acid chocolate rain. The first time the fire noodles have let us down. It was all over pretty quick but it was quite the wild ride.
A solid 6, one hell of a ride from consumption to evacuation.
These are a confusing experience; first off, it tasted great! It’s a wonderful soba-style instant ramen and I was even convinced these weren’t that spicy compared to the OG fire noodle. I was constantly reassuring myself, and my fellow reviewers, that ‘these aren’t even that hot’…oh Kam…how wrong you were; I think it’s possible my false pretense may have been the fact that I was eating them ice cold.
It wasn’t until I had finished the bowl that I really started to feel the burn. Don’t get me wrong, these are no slouch – it was a high level heat while consuming – but once done the heat just built and built and built to a new level! My entire mouth was on fire, my tongue was burning, even my face past my lips was burning (maybe I’m a messy eater?). These don’t play around; these are extremely hot and the fact you eat them ice cold just adds a whole new depth to the experience. I do recommend these, but only for the warriors amongst us!
I was assuming these would have no regret (Samyang’s other fire noodles have been all seal of approval worthy); I was dead wrong. About 7.30pm the stomach churning started. I tried to ignore it; I really wanted these to be regret-free. I couldn’t stand it any longer; straight to the old porcelain throne I went! I had to do a bit of pushing and it wasn’t an easy exit; the burn! My god, this was probably the stingiest exit I have had in recent memory; it wasn’t pleasant. I gave it 10 more minutes as the stomach jabs were still present but nothing else was moving. Tried to watch a bit of TV – I lasted about 20 minutes – but back to the bowl I went. One last hurrah with another stingy release and I was done. Rest of the evening was smooth sailing.
4 flames; definitely an inconvenience and a pain much like rubbing ghost chillies on your starfish.
These will confuse you. There isn’t much heat on eating, and your palate is confused by the juxtaposition of spice and cold noodles. But then the soba violence reveals itself like you’re pouring a bowl of liquid nitrogen in your mouth, and keeps on rising until your mouth is legit fire.
There isn’t any head sweat, eye sweat, baw sweat. Just you, alone with your pain like a foster child rejected in favour of the younger children again. That pain keeps building until it becomes your every existence, as you suck more and more water down trying to reach the end. Then finally, sweet release comes as your mouth numbs to the burning horror that has become your life.
Regret came as a burning in the stomach that demands to be released about 4 hours after the meal, and there is no arguing with this demon. Volume and splash-back were manageable, but the burning follows you to punish the other end.
4 flames, kinda limping afterwards. Clear your schedule afterwards, and definitely don’t lift anything heavy.
Overall Porcelain Punishment Level
