Country of Origin: South Korea
We asked Samyang to “send noods”; boy did they send us some hot ones.
I am standing at Kam’s desk, bowl in one hand and fork in the other. I stare at the contents of the bowl trying to focus on the previous experience, trying to remember what the taste / burn was like. I tell myself it was OK, it tasted good and burnt the lips a little, so I take one deep breath, close my eyes and take the first bite…
HOLY SHIT!! Holy fucking shit, these are hot man. You start sweating after the first bite and the burn is very strong. The taste is even better than I remembered, so much spice. The noods are obviously thinner in the bowl version, however still very tasty and absorb the blood red death sauce perfectly.
You quickly realize that if you take breaks from eating these, the burn just gets worse so I decided to just smash and dash, making sure I chewed these lava n00ds thoroughly as I wanted to give my stomach as little work as possible. Same as last time (surprise surprise), as soon as you finish them, the torture continues: nose leakage, intense lip burn, dizzy spells, fire coughs, the whole goddam lot.
So this time I prepared myself; had antacids ready and ate a fully healthy dinner the night before and lunch today, made sure I ate lunch right before smashing these. Seemed to work, some lower abdomen burn and rumbling at around 5 hours after eating, couple of stingy squirts. Another healthy dinner. We are now at 24 hours post consumption and I can safely say I am in the clear.
3 flames for me however this time I came prepared
So Samyang were kind enough to send us the bowl version of their popular Haek Buldak Ramen; it’s been a while since we reviewed the packet version so I was both excited and scared…turns out I was right to be scared. The noods themselves are thinner lending to a great quick steep, and the flavour is there in spades. The heat is also there in spades…shovels…piledrivers. This heat smacks you in the face from the first bite and by the time you are done you are breathing heavily, sweating profusely, and feeling a little dizzy. Yes. This is just as deadly as the packet version. But also just as damn delicious. Great nood, but I won’t be in a rush to torture myself again quite so soon.
So I get home around 7.30 thinking everything is all sweet but lo and behold…it’s not. My stomach is churning something crazy. Around 8 o’clock I have to go sit on the bowl; struggle city. My stomach was wanting it out, but my hole was not budging. A little bit of force and there she blew; steaming hot lava. My bung hole has never felt so tender! I was on that seat for a good 20 minutes. Washed clean. By 9pm the stomach churning hadn’t stopped. But I tried as hard as I could to make sure there wasn’t another eruption…damn, these noods are savage AF!
So this continued all night; seriously. I kept having to run back to the loo cos my stomach was trying to explode out of my side. Hell. I hated it. I actually, truly, regretted my decision to eat these. Real regret. True Regret. Kill me now.
10 flames. You will hate yourself.
I was quite concerned when Kam showed me the 2x fire nood bowl. I though it was over. After Frodo threw the ring into the volcano, he didn’t think, “Oh, I should go back there, see if it’s still hot”. Of fucking course it’s still hot! I had to eat these at home, I’m in a new team at work and the last thing I wanted was to show weakness by crying uncontrollably after consumption. These noods are still the hottest noods out, in my humble opinion. I hate that we had to do it again, I hate that you can’t escape the heat, milk just delays the pain and I’m pretty confident makes it worse upon its return. They are still tasty, delicious even, I think the noods were thinned but at the end of the day, I was too busy crying from a rogue sauce splatter to the eye. I’m never returning to the volcano, put me on the boat and sail me away to paradise.
The poops were a tap, Like a super hot tap. This isn’t how I recalled things, it was terrifying. I saw God! She say’s hi. Many flames
9 Flames, I got wrecked.
Here we go 2x fire noodles yet again, I have brushed death too many times with this beastie noods; lets do it one more time!
The noods themselves were thin and soak up the water super fast! As usual there is the sauce from hell and the standard seasame seeds that come with fire noodles. From the moment I saw this dish I knew that I was in for a wild ride. I knew once I got n this ride I was commited for 24 hours of pain. I even said when I went to grab this from Kam “Do we really have to do this?” I knew I was in trouble.
Coming to eat these things and boy I was alittle overwhelmed at the start but I think that was caused by the fact that I didn’t get all the water out of the bowl (my bad). As I got lower into the bowl that left-over water held a dark secret of death; the last bit of the noods were completely soaked and were dripping the death ooze! Down it went; this burnt my my entire insides all the way upto my ring hole.
I got to my station on the way home and I could feel a fart coming on but I knew it was too good to be true so I held out until I got home; when I got home I got onto the toliet… gripped on and went, but it was a misfire. I farted. I thought “thats not right”…then bang like a space shuttle shooting off into space.
8 Flames for the space trip
Overall Porcelain Punishment Level