Maggi Perencah Kari Mi Segera

Country of Origin: Malaysia

Unapologetically Maggi


It came, it glorped, it disappointed. Ahh Maggi, I fucking hate you. The noodles seem to taste how poverty feels – listless and uneducated, if you had it every day you would be filled with a depression that blots out everything good, and drives you to drink to escape your own life. The block is an  uninspiring, lumpy, cheap knockoff of a noodle cake, the taste of starch will follow you to your grave. Speaking of taste, the flavouring is a misnomer – straight boiling water would have tasted better.

Standard Maggi block
Not expecting much from this

Once added, the ‘flavour’ packet turns the soup into something akin to dirty pasta water mixed with a little bit of ragu oil….. and it tastes about the same. Only a slight presence of heat and a severe lack of anything resembling taste or depth makes this one two thumbs down. I wouldn’t call it ramen.

Heat Level

Taste Level

The Aftermath

As expected, Maggi does as much to challenge your bowels as it does your tastebuds. I could recommend this only if you had a really sensitive stomach, but why would you?

1 flame, the burning tear of regret settling into your soul after doing this to yourself.

So, it’s Maggi again; I’m not gonna lie and say I was excited but I was hopeful! These are for Maggi’s Malaysian market so I thought maybe these would fair better than the last 3 we reviewed. We were wrong; same starchy taste to the noodles that hold less water than a pregnant womans bladder, flavour was bland and watered down, only thing positive was that there actually was a kick to these! Definitely some heat here. Look, they aren’t terrible, but Maggi well and truly are happy to sit on the “Average as hell” bandwagon.

Well, just as I thought; not really much here to speak of. I did have a pretty rapid movement in the morning and there was a tiny bit of sting but I guess that’s it. The morning poo was normal, but the accompanying sting wasn’t. Evening was OK though.

2 flames; 1 for the sting, 1 for the regret of giving Maggi another chance to impress.

 We let my partner spin the wheel of death, it turns out such responsibilities should not fall on the shoulders of others. Maggi… another maggi. The regret begins, the regret of the purchase and the regret of eating a sub par ramen.

The noodle block is typical for maggi. They have a way of making a noodle that tastes like no others but not even in a good way. Its not that it’s THAT bad like the flavouring, it just lacks any flavour profile. So average that it’s bad.

Credit where its due, it had some heat, that was a tick to their name but it was more a pepper heat, nothing really happens just a slight throat tickle to say its there.

The poops were no surprise, they happened and that was kind of it. No sting, no force required just your standard run of the mill poops. Everything about this company just screams average. I’ve never related to a company more.

1 regret, a singular regret for even bothering to consume this ramen.

Overall Porcelain Punishment Level

Community PP Level


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