Country of Origin: India
It’s a dry kind of heat today.
We had been eye-ing these up for a while; I’d located these via an online merchant prior to my trip gallivanting around Indonesia. “Hot Garlic Flavour” mmmm. I love garlic; and I love heat. Let’s see how these hold up.
The pack says it serves 4; the noodle blocks are tiny! To be honest, I’d say this serves two, but we are gonna divy this pack up between the 3 of us anyway and see how we go.
So there are 4 tiny noodle blocks, and 4 seasoning sachets (that do not perforate easily). Pretty crappy packaging here; serves 4 but all 4 must eat together. Oh it’s family style. Nice.
The seasoning to noodle ratio is ridiculous for these; I almost choked pouring it out too! The garlic is overwhelming and the chilli was getting in my nose. Maybe these are going to be good!
So the way we usually make these stir-fry type noodles is we hydrate the noodles to just past “al-dente” and then add the seasonings. Doing that with this particular variety proved very difficult; they were hard as hell to get mixed in. The packaging instructs us to boil it down in a pot but because we are at work so this wasn’t possible. I figure flavour and heat shouldn’t vary too much because of it. We poured on the seasoning and added a little water to help the powder mix through. We mixed like crazy. Mmm. Smells like garlic…Lot’s of damn garlic.
So how do these taste? They are OK. Its like I’m chewing on garlic cloves that have soaked in chilli and Indian spices overnight. I taste garlic…and garlic…and some medley of spices…and then garlic; these are Indian alright, they are fragrant as hell.
What about the heat? Present but it’s not unmanageable. I did have a little sweat on my head (I’m bald so it’s a good measure for heat presence in food I consume) and there is residual mouth sting for a minute or so after finishing but that’s about it. These are also really dry. Like, so dry. I’ll give these noods the benefit of the doubt and say that’s our fault because we couldn’t boil them as the instructions recommended; actually screw it, I’m gonna try again and find out!
Boiling them down does remove the “dry” problem however a new problem arises; the noodles are way too soggy for my tastes. Taste is the same, heat is the same, the noodles are no longer dry, but they are way too slimy. These noods are way too much work and not enough pay-off.
Overall, they are average in flavour, above average in heat (but not enough for a “high” ranking from us), and below average when following the packets directions. Would eat again (making them my way) if there was nothing else in the pantry, but wouldn’t rave about them or buy again.
Well… the evening was wonderful! Not a stir, murmur, eruption…nothing!
Next morning was another story. It hit me about 10am; stomach pains and a quick rush to the loo. Some abnormal consistency and a little sting but not on there for too long. Cleaned up, got out.
10 minutes later it happened again. Quick, stingy, slimy. That was it though. Nothing else after that! I’ve had much, much worse, but this doesn’t go without any regret.
4 flames; the evening was fine, but some repeat issues in the morning.
These noods definitely live up to the packaging – they’re hot, they’re garlic. Although I think Ching’s secret is that when cooked with the stir-fry method, they’re drier than the f**king Sahara.
The packaging size is kind of annoying – 4 serves of noods per package, so you’d better make sure you have some moist buddies to dine with, or you’ll be dining alone on a sodium fuelled bender. Ooor you could just put the extra noodles in a Tupperware as the seasoning comes individually wrapped, but (for me at least) that would involve foreign concepts such as ‘restraint’ and ‘forethought’.
Overall I’m fairly meh with these noodles: The heat was average, the taste uninspired with a lack of depth – all the hit was in the first mouthful, which then blended into a vague concept of ‘hot garlic’. Not the worst noodles, but definitely not my top ten. Regret was also as uninspired – a few toots, a bit of urgency that night, but nothing you can’t shake off.
2 flames, definitely won’t ruin your night but it does require you to have friends, or a Tupperware container.
This dish certainly has the tastebuds travelling; a hit of garlic-y chili, a punch in the face of various spices (I find it hard to distinguish Indian spices) and then bam you are left dead in the centre of the desert. These were (when winging the cooking method) a bag full of dry wall. It was almost like doing the cinnamon challenge kind of dry mouth. Like smoking several bowls in the middle of the Mojave. Flavour? Lots of it! Just wasn’t really what I would seek for in a dish; the heat side of things was little more than an afterthought. I would eat them again if put in front of me under one condition; two litres of water placed directly beside me just to swill some moisture back into my mouth.
Regret? Nothing, just a casual movement. No muss, no fuss. Didn’t get the gurgles, no rumbles. This juice was not really worth the squeeze.
Overall Porcelain Punishment Level