Paldo Teumsae Ramyun


Country of Origin: South Korea

This one was a definite slow burner.

Consumption

Because this was a broth noodle; eating this wasn’t so bad. The heat being in the broth means that you really don’t sustain much damage to your mouth while eating; after a few mouthfuls there’s a bit of a tingle in your lips but you can work through it with relative ease. As you near completion of the noodly goodness you have a respectable amount of heat lingering and the noodles feel like a solid ‘Medium’ heat level. The taste is about a 6/10. Good flavour, nothing mind blowing.

Then you are left with a bowl of steamy red broth. This is where we separate the boys from men. As expected I – along with my ramen-eating brethren – decided the best course of action was to down it as fast as we could. It’s the only way.

This is where the noodles jumped from a Medium to ‘High’ rating. There was definite eye-sweat. I finished the bowl and used a handy piece of absorbent paper towel to wipe the pool of sweat off my head and dab my eyes clean. Mission Complete.

Heat Level
heatlevel-high
Taste Level
tastelevel-good

The Aftermath

I was feeling pretty good on the drive home; this is around 6 hours after consumption. I figured I was pretty clearly out of the woods; boy was I wrong.

The minute I stepped through the door I felt that all too familiar sting in my lower abdomen; thatĀ  “I will have to call in sick for work because my butt will be firmly planted on the toilet seat for the majority of the day” sting.

I tried to shake it off; I grabbed a bowl of butter chicken my wife had made for me, sat down in front of the TV, and ate this extremely mild curry dish…the pain did not subside. I headed straight for the toilet.

For the next hour and a half it was back and forth; the pain not subsiding no matter how much firey fluid I manged to fire into the back of the toilet. This was Teumsae’s revenge. And it was spiteful. Ring of Fire was in full effect.

After two hours I had managed to seat myself on the sofa for a full episode of “Secrets and Lies”; I felt impressed. Maybe I had beat this. And now it’s pretty late so I’ll try and sleep.

Brush teeth; Check. Time to hit the sack; Nope. Bowl again. This time for only 30 minutes; nothing passed this time. But the pain subsided enough for me to feel it safe to climb in bed and not make a mess. Perhaps a good nights sleep would do the trick.

Teumsae had other plans. I did manage to sleep through the night but the minute my eyes were open it was straight to my old friend Porcelain Patty. Why do I still feel like my bowels want to shoot out through my stomach? Back to the Bowl. 30 minutes again. I hope I’m not late for work.

All good. I made it to work. And my stomach no longer feels like it does to listen to a Meek Mill Diss track. I made it. But boy that was rough.

For me, this is a 10. Repeat trips to the toilet and a firmly present sting on release.


My experience was much the same as Kam’s, with a good hour-long session of regret that evening. Following morning was accompanied by the familiar do-I-poop-and-run-late-to-work-or-just-go-to-work debate, made only more intense by the rumbly in my tummy. Work won out, and after gingerly swinging my leg over the bike, a *much* faster than usual ride to work was followed by login -> lock computer -> run to toilet. There was no stopping the carnage to follow, my only solace was the entirely empty men’s toilet, but I also forgot my phone, dammit.

I’d rate this a 9 flamer – less based on the pain and more on repeated offences.


Unlike my ramen slurpin’ brethren, I didn’t receive too many ill effects from this tasty noodly treat. My lower intestines and colon rose to the occasion and contained the storm. That’s not to say that I didn’t feel the heat, as Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It was a warm and slightly stingy movement, solid consistency. I was as if my body forgot to digest any of the chilli, I would equate it to rubbing a mild chilli right where the action was happening, it didn’t force me to re-evaluate my life but there was certainly a sense of regret to the air.

For me this was a 4.5 flamer – the sting was an annoyance but no cause for concern.


Overall Porcelain Punishment Level

8flames

Community PPĀ Level


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